Happy…Victory Monday?

What?!

For the first time since 2020, the New England Patriots have opened their campaign with a win and are now 1-0.

That’s right, folks: the Patriots have a winning record.

And while it is indeed Victory Monday, it is also Overreaction Monday, where fans everywhere freak out or check into Super Bowl hotels or cope or rationalize or whatever we do on the first Monday after the Week 1 slate of games, even though we know with absolute certainty that what happens in Week 1 doesn’t actually mean anything. So yeah, let’s all enjoy ourselves — but let’s also…

Oh well, never mind. Let’s just enjoy it.

1. It makes me very happy to say that this was an old-school Patriots win. They were more physical. They won at the line of scrimmage. They forced turnovers without giving one away. They dominated on special teams. They won the field possession battle. They limited the opponent’s best weapon. The quarterback made smart decisions. It was exactly what we’ve become so accustomed to over the last 20 years of finding things like, “I can’t believe they didn’t go for it on 4th-and-goal with a 49-10 lead” to complain about.

2. Let’s start with the biggest surprise of the day, the offense. We all knew that to succeed against this Bengals team, the Patriots would need long, sustained, error-free drives that cost the defense time and wore it down with a punishing run game. And we all knew—or thought we knew—that with such a poor offensive line, it would be very difficult to get anything on the ground. So consider us all put in our place.

3. I still have to go back and look, but I saw a lot of zone blocking schemes up front and an astonishing amount of patience from the man we’re all going to rely on heavily this year in Rhamondre Stevenson. Of his 120 ground yards, I’d say half were straight-through-the-gap explosions (i.e. “The Chipotle”) with strong yards after contact and the other half were patient, stop-and-go, wait-for-the-gap-to-develop leaks (i.e. “The Arby’s”) that saw Mondre pick the right cut and get to the outside. And you can’t do either of those unless you a) trust your guys up front, and b) those guys up front win their individual battles.

4. And after the mess of O-line penalties we saw on Thursday night and Friday night, if there was anything other than the occasional holding or false start call, I can’t remember it. There was the occasional Jacoby Brissett deep shot, but the majority of his 15 completions were high-percentage, short-to-mid-range passes that allowed the skill players to do something after the catch. It was an efficient, conservative game plan that allowed the Patriots to possess the ball nine minutes longer than the Bengals. And among those 34 minutes of possession was a 14-play, 80-yard touchdown drive that took up nearly half a quarter and a 12-play, 68-yard field goal drive after a Bengals fumble.

5. There are areas for improvement, of course — I don’t like that the day’s leading receiver had two catches for 31 yards and that no Patriot caught more than three passes. And at some point, they’ve got to open things up a bit, especially when they’re down by a few scores. But if it ain’t broke…

6. Maybe I’m being too positive and lyrical here, and if so, I think it’s just because yesterday’s Patriots offense reminded me so much of myself. Not spectacular. Pretty forgettable. Tougher than expected. A little predictable. Likes to do the same thing over and over again. Not visually appealing. But ultimately, you can’t argue with the results.

7. The last thing I’ll say about the offense is if Jacoby Brissett can continue to do exactly what he did yesterday and maybe add another 10 percent or so of air yards, I’m happy to ride with him anytime. He’s smart, mobile, tough, and he makes mistakes.

8. Tee Higgins was a huge boon to the Patriots in being out. And whether Ja’Marr Chase’s food poisoning was a result of some bad sushi or the fact that he can’t buy as much sushi as he thinks he deserves is anyone’s guess. But Chase was out on the field and was limited to just six catches for 62 yards, almost half of which came on a single 28-yard grab when the Patriots were in zone. New England switched their coverages a lot, but Chase generally ran to the line and saw Christian Gonzalez staring at him. Gonzo followed Chase around on a variety of looks, whether it was slot, press-man, deep zone, and I believe at least one fake blitz pass-off. The results are hard to argue with. Gonzo said Chase wouldn’t earn his new contract yesterday, and he certainly didn’t.

9. On the other side of the contract coin, Kyle Dugger is already proving he has no intention of relaxing now that he has the bag. Six tackles. A forced fumble that became a 10-point Patriots swing. Lined up all over the field.

10. But the best player on the field for both sides, in my opinion, was Keion White. 2.5 sacks, including a strip sack, three QB hits, four tackles, two tackles for a loss. Not really surprising given White’s skill set, but what is surprising is that White put up those numbers while primarily between the tackles. New England seemed to rotate Wise, Jennings and Uche along the edges, with White occasionally getting outside. His strip sack came off the edge, against former Patriots legend Trent Brown, turning a 2nd-and-6 into a 3rd-and-long. Another sack came on what appeared to be a 3-technique, with Hawkins showing a blitz before pulling back and an Uche/Wise combination forcing Burrow into the pocket where White was waiting to take him down. Just a force all the way down the stretch.

11. Speaking of Uche, apparently it’s pronounced Ooh-Shay instead of Ooch-ay, which is what I’ve been saying since he joined the team. I’m fine with the change, as it allows for more regular comparisons to another linebacker with a similar last name.

12. Ultimately, this was just a game of the Patriots imposing their will and the Bengals having no answer. Whether it was fourth down stops, winning one-on-ones, finishing plays and falling over after contact, New England wanted it and Cincy didn’t.

13. And how good does it feel to know that special teams didn’t cost the Patriots the game? On the contrary, that was the best special teams performance we’ve seen from this team in several seasons. Quickly down the field. Forcing long fields. Long snapper and oldest player on the team Joe Cardona forced a game-breaking fumble. And Joey Slye (who is muscular by the way — damn it) was perfect on the day. Just a total team victory from whistle to whistle. You can’t ask for much more.

14. I know there are some Pats fans here who see this game as a disaster because they were hoping for a winless win so the team can lock up next year’s #1 draft pick. And there are probably others who look at Brissett’s stats from yesterday’s game and are clamoring for Drake Maye to be drafted. And I will always say that whatever brings you the most joy and happiness as a sports fan, you should bet on it. Just don’t forget to remind the teacher that she forgot to pick up her homework from last night while she called the cops on your neighbor for walking his well behaved dog off leash while you’re taking your other neighbor to court because her fence is 3/8” up on your property line between complaints about Brissett and Maye.

15. And finally, congratulations to Jerod Mayo for his first-ever win as an NFL head coach. He has an impossible job and he’s trying to fill impossible shoes, but all signs point to his players loving him and willing to follow him anywhere.

16. In my opinion, there are very, very few occasions when a regular season win is worth a Gatorade bath — but your first win as NEP HC is certainly one of them. Congratulations, coach. And thank you.

None of us here are under any illusion that this Week 1 win is a sign of things to come. The Patriots will be underdogs almost every game this year, and they’ll likely still be a top-5 pick in the 2025 draft. And that’s okay. But you see wins like this as the first of many building blocks that will make this team relevant again. So let’s all make the most of it and get ready for this Sunday’s home game.

Which I will be at, by the way. So if there are a few of my adoring fans who will also be at the game and have “buy my favorite Patriots writer a beer” on their bucket list, Sunday is your chance.